Missing

What a week. I feel like I have been whipped along in a daze by a number of well rehearsed people. Go here, do this, say that, look for them, find out who the name of my ex bothers, dead dogs, guardian angel of a cobra is! You get my drift. Talk about information overload. Someone told me today that over the next 4 years I will do all this stuff. It wasn't until they said this that I realised I can't see myself being here for 4 years... I feel like I am on a resedential trip that will end tomorrow. Just the week and then we are off! It's been a weird week, to say the least. The most difficult part is not having my friends around me. I have been seeing at least one of them for the past 2 years! And all of a sudden, not only do I not have my family around me, or my family's friends, but I don't have my friends around me either. The ones I walk with when I feel alone, the ones I talk to when I am confused, or need cheering up. I promise I will never take face to face conversation for granted again! I miss them all so much! I know I can still talk to them, it's not like I or they have dropped off the face of the earth. And I know it's not like I can never see them again, or that they have moved to Australia! But it's the biggest thing I have ever done! And to be honest, my friends were the one thing that got me from day to day. Whether they knew that or not, I don't know. But it's true. Coming here was the strangest thing in the world. You are starting from scratch! As one of my mates said, it is a chance to be any body I want to be. And yes, that is true and a great advantage of meeting many new people. But I never realised how much of an effort it was making friends when you didn't know ANYONE! It really doesn't help that I am insecure about people's ability to like me. Why would they want to? Seriously! Anyway, that's besides the point. It's exhausting. You don't know what you can get away with saying, what you have in common, how they will react to what you are saying. I can't remember how to do this! I think sleep would help with the process though, so I am going to finish it here. Although it is far from finished!