Ok... So yesterday I went to Chester to do a CRB signing to make sure I am ok to work with kids *insert your own comment here, as I am sure many of you are having wrong thoughts right now... If my friends are anything to go by*. So anyway, on the way there I was talking to my dad, which is always an odd occurance in itself! And he gave me 2 pieces of advice.
The first was to do with Love and the second was to do with Life! 'You will have your heart broken at some point, as everyone does. And when you do you CAN come to me!'. Those were his words almost exactly. I think the exact thought that ran through my head was that I already had. But in hind sight, how much does a high school crush really break your heart. See, I have had this debate with myself before, as have probably most people who contemplate love. What is it? To many people it means different things and is different when it if for different people (hope you are keeping up here, I am just about managing, but stay with me). So if it is different for others and towards others then how does anyone ever know what it is. Is it a feeling? Is it a look? Is it a gut instinct? Or is it all three combined? I can honestly say I don't think I know, even on my terms, but when you know, you just know, you know? So in order to get your heart broken you have to know what that loving feeling is and who it is towards, in order to know that when you break up with that person you really are heartbroken. But then again, can't it happen with friends? I know I have a number of friends that if I ever broke up with I would be heartbroken. But would that heartbreak be a different kind, or in the end is it all the same as it is all a 'form' of love.
Meanwhile, a debate in another part of my head was to do with the second piece of advice from my dad, which was that 'time passes you by'. The way he actually put it was that I must think I have years and years ahead of me. Can I really think about being his age? It must seem ages away, yet it will be gone in a second. So I must fill it with all the things I want to do, as long as I am safe. This ties in well with another piece of advice I was given by another wise friend of mine, who told me never to go through life with 'if's and buts'. When contemplating this advice, I actually thought that it would be really hard to live live without thinking 'what if...?'. Anyone who can honestly say 'I have never thought what if?' are ones who I admire, as I can't seem to get through one day without thinking it! However, without If's and But's surely there is nothing that drives us to be better, or to make things clearer. 'What If I had tried harder on that exam?' Surely that would push us to do better next time as we can improve and make it better. But with if's and but's, surely comes heart ache, which conflicts with the first piece of advice my dad gave me. If's and but's usually lead to 'Oh God, what the hell do I do now'... well, it does in my head anyway, and the most common is 'What If I had been truthfull...'.
But I guess these are all lessons you learn in life, and I would like to be the kind of person that can, in the futer, look back and say I can honestly not say 'but what If I...?'. As I leave you with those thoughts and hope that you kept up with my mini rant, I am going to go away and think 'What if I had just.......................'
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