So I was watching a DVD. Ice Princess to be precise. And I began to think... to be honest I don't think the inspirational music and the disney concepts hindered the thinking. What is it about Disney films which make me all thoughtful? Anyway, I digress.
The one thing that does sadden me is the lack of salsa I have been doing. Watching the films, watching the TV programmes, listening to the music, dipping my feet back in it at christmas, imagining the steps in my mind. And not necessarily just the salsa, but dancing in general. I mean we can all go out on a night and boogie the drunken night away. But it isn't the same. The grace that comes with the waltz. The passion that exudes when dancing tango. The fun that's had in the Jive. Then there is the sensuality that comes from the connection you make with your partner. For that 3 and a half minutes you're absorbed. The way it feels when you hit a tripple spin dead on. When you know that you have just followed perfectly. Feeling like a dancer. You spin with ease, travel with grace and feel the music travel through your body. The steady beat that pulsates. The only place I feel completely at home, like nothing else in the world matters and anything you were thinking before is completely worthless! All that matters is the smile on your face, the connection with your partner and the fun that is had.
It's the only thing I have ever felt marginally good at. It's the only time that I feel (do I dare say the word) remotely sexy. The confidence I feel when dancing salsa isn't a ficade, it isn't put on. It is real. I hold myself high. I want to do well. I want people to notice. I want to show people what I can do, and I want them to enjoy watching me dance. It saddens me to think that most people in 'my' world haven't seen me dance. It scares me that when I talk about it, they think I'm having a laugh, and it's just another silly girl saying that she's good at dancing. It scares me that when I practice spinning or think about choreography, people think I'm being stupid and look at me as if I'm in my own little day dream. I wish more people could see me. I wish I had the confidence to say, 'ah what the hell, le'me show 'em what I can do'. But as per usual, that niggling feeling in my mind tells me not to do it, cos they will think you're sad, and pathetic and useless. When actually I am rather good.
Then there's the music. The rhythm. The mood it can create. The party, carnival, upbeat tempo which energises and enthuses. Then there are the more seductive songs, which allow for a real connection, the pauses created in the dance which mean that you can have a 'dancers moment'. The music indicates the way the body moves. The moving of the hips, the shaking of the shoulders, the head rolls, the bum rolls, the body rolls! (Are you getting just how much I miss it?)
I think I have bored you enough with this twaddle now! See there I go again, suggesting it isn't important?! To me it is! I miss it, kinda like a fish would miss the water! What am I doing... why aren't I dancing?!
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